While divorce can be hard by itself, divorcing with kids can be even tougher. Many divorcing parents have some misconceptions about how the process is going to happen. Clearing up these myths can help you and your ex get through the divorce and be successful co-parents…
Divorcing Parents: Clear Up Misconceptions
“You’ll have no relationship”
One thing some divorcing parents think is that they won’t have any sort of relationship with their ex anymore. However, you can’t just go your separate ways like other couples do. In fact, you’ll continue to have a relationship, albeit somewhat of a different one, as co-parents. As long as you’re co-parenting, you’ll have this relationship.
Furthermore, this also means you’ll have to see each other aside from picking up and dropping off the kids. For example, there’ll be parent-teacher conferences, school events, birthdays, graduations, etc. These are all events where you’ll have to be there together. As a result, it’s good to get used to this relationship and handle it without animosity.
“The problems we had will go away”
Another misconception divorcing parents have is believing their ex will suddenly change after the divorce. In particular, those issues you had which lead to your divorce will still be there. If you had trouble communicating, then that isn’t going to go away overnight. It’s going to take some time for both you and them to grow and overcome those problems.
Still, that doesn’t mean you should just give up. You don’t want you co-parenting to suffer as a result. Instead, work together on overcoming those issue in this new context. Find solutions which work for your new relationship, and those issues will begin to clear themselves up.
“A bad spouse will be a bad parent”
It’s very easy for divorcing parents to assume that if their ex was a bad partner, then they’ll be a bad parent. Yet, the reality is that in most cases, it’s always better for kids to have both parents in their lives. Therefore, just because your relationship didn’t work out doesn’t mean they don’t care for their kids.
It’s important you recognize that you need to separate your relationship with them, and their relationship with the kids. Don’t try and minimize their parenting time or involvement with the kids. Instead you want to encourage them to spend time together, and avoid talking poorly about them around your kids.