When you begin to consider divorce, or begin the proceedings— the question always remains: are you sure you want to do this? It is a fair question, no matter where it’s coming from. Divorce is a messy, angry, long-fought process for many people who go through it. So before you begin, many people will spend a bit of time deciding if it is something that they really want. You are forced to answer the questions of: Is this marriage worth it? Do I love this person enough to fight? And, lastly, can separated couples reconcile under the right conditions? Ultimately, all of these questions depend upon your personal feelings, your spouses feelings, and the circumstances leading up to the proposed divorce.
Can Separated Couples Reconcile? Taking Steps For the Marriage
The idea of saving a marriage when it has already come to a point of question is admirable. When it comes down to it— reconciliation is a brave process. Both spouses have to have the same goal in mind: brave the messy to get back to where you were. Trust the process enough to say that you are saving a family at all costs. If you’re having trouble finding a way to get started in true reconciliation, here a few tried and true ways to get started:
Commitment
The most important, and first step, each of you needs to take is to make a commitment to the process. When separated couples reconcile, or decide to try, oftentimes there will be a lack of commitment on one or both sides. You might see this in a couple that is only doing it for the kids. Or, often this occurs when one spouse has been cheated on. If both sides aren’t equally committed, or one person feels jaded, it is likely that other problems might occur along the way.
Seek Out Help!
No one said you have to do this on your own. These things are highly personal, and often that is what makes them so difficult to sort through. Talk to a friend, see a couples counselor— talk to whoever makes you comfortable and can help you proceed in a productive manner. If you have a friend who was always rude to your husband? Maybe leave her out of this one. If you have a friend who has been there with you two through it all? Maybe she’s the one who can help both of you gain perspective. You have to learn that what you’re going through is human and asking for help is sometimes essential.
Accept The Mistakes You’ve Made
Own your past, own your trials, and own your part in the separation. These ideas are key in understanding why and how you got to where you’re at now. Knowing and understanding your own failures, as well as those of your spouse, can help each of you come to terms with the fact that this was a joint effort. Just as it was to build the relationship, so it was to tear it down.
Be Positive Through the Struggle
Remember: All of these trials and tears are leading you both to the promised land. You have to each trust the process and where it’s taking the both of you. Things will undoubtedly get tough, but it is all in the name of building back a healthy marriage. Keeping this in mind will make the tough stuff a little easier. Trust the process!