Putting yourself out there after a divorce can be tough. Chances are, you’ve been married for a while— and out of the dating scene for longer than that. Getting back to your bearings can be tricky, and it takes time to figure it all out once again. The world of dating has changed significantly in the past few years. From dating apps, to sites, to set-ups— there’s a lot more to it these days, especially when you’re new divorcees. So, where do you start?What’s off-limits? And how do you feel comfortable again in a world that’s been foreign to you for some time now? There will be a few bumps in the road, and an inevitable few bad dates, but that’s all part of it. So, sit back, enjoy the ride, and let us walk you through the do’s and don’t of dating for new divorcees.
New Divorcees Guide to Dating : Getting Back Out There and Enjoying It
Don’t start before you’re ready
There’s no need to feel pressured into dating before you’re ready. Take some time to pamper and nurture yourself before you start seeking out others. For some, you might be ready within weeks or months. For others, it might take you a few months to a year before you feel comfortable getting out there. Either of these paths, is completely okay. We all heal in our own time, and going on a date before you’re ready can lead to the dreaded ‘therapy session date’ or tears… and neither of these, are enjoyable for anyone.
In that same vein, don’t use this as a therapy session
Your date is not here to listen to the trials and errors of what got you here. They are here because they have an interest in you, they want to get to know you. Spending the first hour hashing out your divorce to a complete stranger isn’t going to make you feel better, or make them call you back for a second date. This goes back to not dating before you’re ready. When you are ready— you’ll be able to leave all that nasty stuff behind and enjoy the moment.
There’s no shame in online dating, but be careful
Don’t feel silly for taking to the internet. We live in a digital age, and plenty of people are doing it. Just be weary, and choose your platform wisely. In short, learn the difference between a dating app and a dating website. Dating apps are there for immediacy, and not so much based in establishing an emotional connection. Dating sites, on the other hand, often require a more extensive profile, sometimes they even require payment, and a bit more time spent actively working in the site.
In short, dating sites are a bit more geared towards long-term and emotional connections versus short-term, casual dates. So, the good news— you really get to pick between casual or more serious settings. So, starting off in a dating app might be what you’re looking for, or it might not. Either way, practice caution when dating online. Tell someone where you’re going, with whom, and have an exit plan in place just to be safe. This is not to say that you’re date will be an ax-wielding murderer— but hey, have your plan in place if things seem shaky.
Keep it casual to start
Accept that your first date probably isn’t going to be your next serious relationship. Do drinks or coffee to start instead of dinner. In short— keep it light and short. Don’t try to push it, just see where it goes. Explore the world a bit. Decide what and who you like, and who you don’t without feeling pressured to continuously date someone— of course, unless they really are something special to you. But don’t put too much pressure on yourself to do something or continue on with someone that you don’t have interest in.
Keep your kids out of it
There’s nothing healthy about having a revolving door for men when your children are around. This is confusing and disrespectful to them. While dating is about you, and making yourself happy— your children are still the top priority. So, set rules for yourself/ and your dates from day one. Want to have a sleepover? Wait until the kids are a Mom/Dad’s house. Think it’s serious enough for your kids to meet them? Set yourself a time limit, maybe six months or so, before you even entertain the idea. Especially if you’ve divorced their father only in the past few months, it is important to honor their need to readjust and settle into these changes before you bring someone new into the equation
Have fun!
Take this time to have some fun, be casual, go on plenty of dates, go out with your friends. it is easy to sulk in the change instead of embracing it, but getting out of your comfort zone can be therapeutic! New Divorcees have a bit of a learning curve when it comes to finding their groove. From learning how to live on your own, to learning how to date again— there are gonna be a few bumps in the road. Expect it, learn to laugh at your mistrials, and be brave!