When you’re dealing with a soon to-be ex-spouse, it’s easy to have ill feelings towards them. You’re going through quite an ordeal, and chances are you’ve placed some blame on them. Being in that mental spot, it’s easy to say mean things in an attempt to hurt them. But, we’re here to tell you how that can be counterproductive— and how taking the higher ground on this one can benefit you in the long run.
Dealing With Your Soon To-Be Ex-Spouse: What Not to Say
‘This is all your fault’
We feel that this is a good starting point. While you may feel, or know, that it is their doing that brought you here— no partner is entirely blameless. But, aside from that, re-hashing and re-opening wounds that are getting close to healing isn’t going to help you either.
‘The kids don’t want to see you’
Your children are involved in this divorce, but not by choice. Using them as pawns, and as a means of getting back at your soon to-be ex-spouse is unfair to them. Not to mention, it doesn’t really matter how you interpret your children feelings, their parent has a right to see them. Withholding your children from a partner as a means of retaliation could potentially come back to bite you when it comes time for custody agreements. All in all, using the children as a means of leverage is hurtful, it is not right, and it is also not your right to do so. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot.
‘Just one last time…’
Many separating couples think it’s okay to engage in sexual activity, no big deal right? Wrong. Starting a sexual relationship with your to-be ex can stir up a whole world of issues. It’s confusing to both of you, it reopens those wounds a bit more, and it’s just plain counterproductive. You are separating, and while that can bring up some unresolved feelings— acting on them has rarely ever ended in a clean break.
‘You’re a X’
Insults get you nowhere. If they’re insulting you, take the higher ground. It makes proceedings nasty, it leads to retaliation on one side or the other, and it ultimately gets you nowhere. Does calling them an ass really make you feel better? Does it change the situation? Being respectful to each other, especially if you have kids, sets a better example and almost always ends a little more civilly.
Ultimately, handling each other with ease and respect will make this whole thing much easier.
A divorce is no fun for anyone, and clouding it with insults, retaliation, and blame will make it harder. The best thing the two of you can do for each other is to keep your head down. You’re only making this more stressful for yourself in the long run. We wish you luck as you go forward.