If you’ve cheated on your spouse and are preparing to tell them, you’ll need to prepare yourself for what’s to come. No one expects to be cheated on, and when it happens— their reaction could be a multitude of different emotions. So you’ve got to buckle down— and understand that their reaction, whatever it may be, is completely warranted. We’ve written a cheaters guide to telling your spouse. What to say, when to hold your tongue, and why they’re feeling the way they’re feeling. You’ve done a bad thing, but that doesn’t mean we won’t help you figure out how to make it right.
A Cheaters Guide to Telling Your Spouse
Maybe it’s been rocky for a while. You’ve both been distant, busy, and ignorant of each other. Therefore, your affair— no matter how extended or short it was, may seem like it will come at no surprise. You might even think your spouse is having one as well. But, no matter the case— telling them will likely come as a surprise. No one expects for their spouse to cheat on them. Couples have hard times in marriage, and usually either one or both parties feels that their spouse understands this rut. Therefore, an affair is usually not expected.
Prepare for a whirlwind of emotion
They might first be mad, then sad, then quiet, then kick you out— or it might go the opposite way. Either way, do not expect the evening following this information to be quiet. They might have questions, they might shout, they might blame you for every wrong thing in the marriage— and chances are, no matter what you say they likely won’t believe you. Prepare for this, prepare to be patient, and to place no blame on your spouse. “You’ve been distant lately and I needed attention,” is not the way to go— even if that’s how you feel. Your spouse is feeling vulnerable, humiliated, deceived, and most definitely not trustful. You have to work with this, and understand that you cannot do anything in this moment to change that. Now is the time to weather the storm and lay all the cards on the table.
Keep the dirty details to yourself
Neither of you will benefit from graphic details. If your spouse asks for them, either remain vague or explain to them that those details, and the ‘who’s better?’ Will only make matters much worse. Especially if you and your spouse stay together. That answer will always resonate in the back of their mind. Nothing good comes of it.
Be Genuinely Apologetic
As we said, hold off on the blame game. It doesn’t matter if you feel they’ve been treating you unfairly for months now. While these problems will come to light at a later date, and can appropriately be discussed then— today is not the day. You’ve made a fatal error, one that could likely end your marriage. If you want to make this marriage work, or even if you don’t— it is important that you take the time to apologize before you begin justifying your actions.
This is meant to help you figure out an attack plan, but this cheaters guide is not foolproof. Every marriage is different, and while most reactions fall within the same category— expect nothing in particular. The best thing you can do is to tell them, apologize greatly, and be there for the emotional fallout. We wish you luck in this difficult time.