If you and your spouse have decided on a gray divorce, you’re likely not too worried about our children. They’re grown now, they have families of their own, and your divorce won’t affect their day to day life. But, when it comes to divorce in any capacity— your children will have a reaction. Adult children are still susceptible to strong feelings when it comes to their parents divorcing. I’m sure it’s hard for you to understand, as you’ve likely put off divorce for a long time in attempts to not rock the boat. But, when you finally decide to divorce— it’s important to understand your children’s emotions… even when they’re adults.
Adult Children of Divorce: Understanding Their Emotions
You’ve been their model of marriage since childhood
Your adult children have likely seen your marriage, and used it as a basis for love, marriage, and family for much of their life. It is likely that some of their basic beliefs about marriage have come from the two of you. So, the fact that your marriage isn’t what they thought it was, can create a lot of doubt for some. They might find themselves questioning the basis of a strong relationship, their own spouse, and their own capability to make a marriage last a lifetime.
They might feel a little bit stuck in the middle
When you divorce earlier on in your children’s lives, you likely do your best to keep them neutral. You don’t put them in the middle, because they’re just kids. You want them to be able to be kids and not to worry with adult matters. But, as they get older— they often become like friends to us. We open up more and tell them things we never would’ve told them as children.
Therefore, it’s very easy for adult children to be a bit caught in the middle in a divorce between parents. During this time, It’s important that you keep those things separate. Save your hurt, your blame, and your anger for someone else. Ultimately, doing so is the only way to keep your kids objective.
Ultimately, you must do what’s right for you. However, be patient with their reactions
You cannot live your life being unhappy for the sake of other people. Not even for your children. So, ultimately— you have to do what you have to do. Adults, just like children, will come around to the idea. But, it’s important to understand that they will have a reaction to the news. You know your kids, and by now— you know them pretty well. We wish you luck as you move forward with your divorce, and offer our condolences.