If you and your spouse are considering separation, a time will come when you have to explain the situation to your children. Deciding how and when to go about sharing this information can be tricky. While every child is different, and this should vary some based on their age, there are a few fool-proof steps you should follow to make sure you’re breaking the news as easily as possible. After all, this is a trying time for you and your children.
Breaking the News of Separation: How to Tell the Kids
Make sure you are positive about the separation
Telling your children about a separation when you aren’t completely sure can cause a huge confusion if you change your mind. This is a huge change, and often a large shock to your children. The foundation of their lives is being shaken, and they will immediately know that change is on the horizon. For this reason, it is important to hold off on sharing your decision until you’ve decided 100% that you are going through with the separation. There is no need to upset your child and their livelihood until you’ve come to a consensus.
Do this together
Even though you will be separating, this needs to be handled as a unit. Regardless of how you feel about each other, when it comes to your child, you must operate as a unit. Use this as your first opportunity to explore co-parenting with your to-be former spouse. Discovering how you function as separated parents is extremely important to deciding how you go about custody and other circumstances in the future.
Spare the details
This is not the time to throw mud at the other parent. Sparing your child the dirty details will be doing them a favor, as well as preserving their image of each individual parent. As we’ve said before, you are still a family in the sense that you have a child together. Treating each other like family, regardless of the circumstance is the best means within which to handle your child. This moment is about what they need from you, it is not about hashing out what got you here. Part of being a co-parent is respecting the other parents role in the child’s life and not trying to change it.
Let them express their emotions
This moment is a defining one for your child. Expect anger, grief, blame, and the likes— every child reacts differently to the idea of their family being split. Do not place expectations on how they should act in this moment. Instead, encourage them to express their emotions to the both of you. Encourage them to react in a calm and communicative manner— this is a chance for you to help your child come to terms with the change.
Encourage and Answer Questions
Expect them to have a lot of questions. Do your best to answer honestly without dragging the other parent. This is not the moment to hash out your feelings, or bicker. Your child is talking to you, asking questions— this is a great thing. Honor that with honesty.