Coping with divorce is no easy task. Whether you’ve been married four months, four years, or forty, there is no right way to deal with whats to come. Divorce is messy. You are forced to sit and divide a life into pieces. The process is hard, it’s taxing, and it can be a drain on your family and your livelihood. Especially, if you have children. Young or old, there is a level of misunderstanding, hurt, and anger that goes into their response. So, what can you do? How can you ease their mind when yours is going haywire?
Helping your Children Deal With Divorce: Making the Best Choices
Tip 1: Don’t Let Them See You Fight
When your child knows that a divorce is in progress, and you are arguing in front of them, they are put in a compromising decision. By arguing, and placing blame from one person to another, you are indirectly asking your child to make moral choices. Which parent is right? Or, which parent do I believe? Regardless of who is right, who is wrong, and what is going on— your child should remain uninvolved in this part of the process. Communication is key, but healthy communication in a mild setting is best for maintaining your child’s routine.
Tip 2: Don’t Make Your Child Choose Sides
This ultimately begins with our tip number 1. By putting your child in a position where they ‘know too much’ about your divorce, you are putting them into a position where they are choosing what they agree with and what they don’t. Assuming your child is somewhere in the 6-15 mark, this is especially important. After all, they are just figuring out how exactly to reason. By making them feel torn, and indirectly making them feel they have to make a big decision, they might be more likely to act out or become stressed. Ultimately, no child should be put in a position where they feel they are choosing between one parent or the other. This will cause issues between both the parents, and also between the child and one or both of parents.
Tip 3: Don’t Make All of the Choices for Them
Assuming that your child is within that 6-15 mark, they can ultimately start to make decisions on their own. Especially when it comes to things such as: how they feel, how to cope with it, what makes them comfortable or uncomfortable, and what they need from each parent during this time. Some, or a majority, of the decisions might be going through lawyers and court. But, the interest of the child is still at the center of the situation. By speaking with your child frequently, checking in on how they are doing, and by encouraging them to tell you what they need, you are giving the child the chance to explore the situation and how they are feeling. This is a great alternative versus making all of the decisions based on what you feel is right.
Tip 4: Create Open Lines of Communication
From the time this process begins, it is important to keep your child informed and involved. Creating that ‘open door policy’ between spouses will help your child feel more comfortable with doing so as well. Let them know it’s okay to talk. Let them know it’s okay to be angry, and that their routines will remain intact. All in all, your goal should be to make this as comfortable as possible.
Tip 5: Keep Routines… Routine
As much of your child’s personal life changes, it is important to keep outside changes to a minimum. It is very likely that your child will feel out of control to some extent. So, keeping those every day activities intact can be a huge point of relief for them. Take organized sports or arts for example. These kinds of activities that they were already taking part in will be a strong reminder that their life is still very much under control and the same.