One of your key objectives when navigating a new divorce, if you have kids, should be figuring out how to co-parent in the best way for your child. Maybe things got messy along the way. Maybe the idea of withholding anger seems nearly impossible. Believe us, we understand your frustrations. So, we’re here to offer a few tips on figuring out how to go about co-parenting after divorce when it’s new, it’s messy, and the dust is still settling. It won’t be easy. But, it will be worth it in the end to know you have both given your child 100% effort.
Co-parenting After Divorce: Tips on Working Through the Early Stages
Set boundaries and stick with them
-Maintaining the initial structure straight out of the gate is the best way to assure your child that life for them will remain as close to the same as it possibly can. Remember that this scenario is no longer about you two as partners, but as parents. From deciding who picks the child up from school, to how you contact each other when one of you has the kids, to making decisions about the child’s school, activities, etc. These types of things are decisions you should make beforehand. Deciding on the rules as you go can quickly become problematic because you lose that objective view of the situation.
Create a unified front
-No matter the way you feel about each other, maintaining unified views and values is incredibly important to helping your child decide what is right and wrong as they navigate this new way of life as well. Stay true to the morals and ideas you two have set as co-parents. Have you decided to not discuss the divorce proceedings with the child? If so, you both must adhere to that. Have you decided to be brutally honest with the child, keeping them in the loop? You both must honor this as well if it is the route you take. Creating that ‘smoother’ transition for the child is all in delivering a message from both sides that is consistent and supportive.
Look at this from your child’s perspective
-Depending on their age, a ton of different things could be running through their mind. Whether they’re a baby, and merely sense a change. Or a toddler, who doesn’t understand why both parents aren’t where they’ve always been. Or even a teenager, who is angry, acting out, or picking sides. You have to understand that this time is hard for them too, arguably it is even harder. The world as they know it is completely shifting. Acknowledge this, take some time to work through how they are feeling, and ask them to tell you. The key to a smooth transition is in every part of the family feeling heard, acknowledged, and catered to.
Make the most of your new ‘time off’
-Part of separating as parents, allows that you have some time to yourself when the child is visiting with the other parent. Most times, the newly separated parent will spend this time worrying, and reveling in the fact that their life is quite different. But that doesn’t have to be the case! Part of being a good parent is in having a bit of time to relax. Every parent needs it and there’s no denying that.
In this new time, find a new hobby, create your own rituals, honor your need for a truly relaxing experience for once. We all forget to do it, let’s be real. Finding something that allows you to enjoy this time and not just wish it to be over, is incredibly therapeutic as you work your way through the tough battle which is co-parenting after divorce. It’s tricky, it can be messy, but finding good rituals, is worth the added trouble.