We’ve written a guide before on dating for divorcees. How they should go about it, when they should start, what they should share, and what they shouldn’t. But what we haven’t done, is given an introduction to dating divorcees. If you plan to go into a relationship with a divorcee, there are a few things you need to understand about the role you’re taking on. Any person who has gone through a divorce, is likely somewhat affected by it. From how they love, to when they share their emotions, and their ability to commit— there is a bit more to navigate when dealing with someone who has been through the ringer.
Dating a Divorcee: Understanding What to Expect and Why
Don’t expect them to move fast
Anyone who has gone through a divorce will say the same thing. “I never want to do that again.” This is a completely understandable sentiment for someone who has had to sit and divide years of their life between themselves and someone they loved greatly. It’s heartbreaking, it’s messy, and it’s something to avoid at all costs. If you care about this person and want to eventually take the next step, you have to help them navigate their hesitations. While you might be sure that your future is bright, they are likely jaded by what they’ve experienced.
The ex is still likely a part of their life
Think about it. They shared a home, finances, lives, families, and potentially children in their years together. It is not uncommon that former spouses still communicate in some form or fashion. If they have children, they likely communicate more than others. But, when dating a divorcee, you have to understand the role their former spouse plays in their life. Whether the communication be solely based on financials, divorce dealings, or their children— it is important to be patient and understand that there is a strong bond there that is changing and breaking.
They might struggle to let you in
What they’ve gone through is incredibly personal. While different people cope in different ways, it is not uncommon that they will keep these feelings to themselves. Especially as they march forward into a new relationship. Chances are they haven’t dated seriously in quite some time, last time being the marriage. Therefore, opening yourself up again to the potential of that kind of pain can be a hard decision to make.
They are going to be very realistic
You’re not going to convince them that love can make anything work. A divorcee understands the in’s and out’s of a relationship turned sour. They are going to be weary, unsure, and when they say they’re serious— they’re serious. As we’ve said, a divorcee is less likely to engage in a serious relationship for the fun of it. If they are ready to go the extra mile with you, expect that they’ve made this decision in an educated fashion, and honor that. Understand that you should take your role, and their faith in you, very seriously.
They’ve come a long way, and so have you in understanding them. The best advice we can give is to honor each other, and be honest about where you stand. We wish you the best of luck as you two go forward.