A divorce is tough on everyone. From the time it begins, you are basically uprooting a life you’ve spent most of your time creating. It is tough for adults, let alone children of varying ages that are being forced into a situation they don’t understand. What are they thinking? What can you do? And how do you help a child who is too young to communicate their feelings? You can start by discovering how different age groups interact with this change in times.
How Different Age Groups Cope With Divorce: What To Expect
0-18 months:
This age group of children are incredibly intuitive. You hear it all the time that babies get a feel for emotions around them. In short, you’re happy— they’re happy. You’re stressed— they can feel that. They’ll react to that sense of irritation and change and, in turn, can be more clingy and irritable. They will almost mimic your emotions.
18 months to three years:
This age group has a heavy bond with their parents. Up until this point, most children only know and feel comfortable with the people that have been close to them. Which, most typically, is going to be the parents. When they start to notice the divide, and often the absence of one parent, a lot of children will regress with their learning and tendencies. For example, starting to suck their thumb again or speaking less.
Three years to six years:
During this time period, children begin to understand. They begin to find their emotions and act on them, because ultimately, they have not learned better yet. This is the age group that will most often act out and feel responsible because they do not understand how to express what they are feeling. They can’t voice it, so they’ll often show it through outbursts or lashing out.
Six years to ten years:
This is the point in time where children are learning autonomy and how to reason. They’ll begin to digest what they see and hear and develop their own opinions about it. by doing so, they will often place blame in one parent versus the other. Or identify with one versus the other. Often these children will take on a Superman/woman complex and feel that they can save the relationship.
Ten years to 15 years:
This is when it starts to get tricky. When faced with a divorce during these formative, pubescent years— it is harder to say how they will react. This is the age group where children begin to explore more of themselves— especially when a parents mind is occupied, or they feel that they are out of control. These children will often find a way to get their parents attention. Some children will do so in a positive way, by excelling at something in particular. And others will act out, making major changes to their appearance, friend group, or attitude. This is the most unpredictable when it comes to how a child will react.
When it comes to a divorce that involves children, there’s no easy way to handle it and there’s no perfect advice or preparation.
Divorces are sticky, and putting children into the mix is a whole other ball game. And different age groups react differently to the situation at hand. The best rule you can have is honesty. Encourage sharing of emotions from all sides, encourage a healthy outlet. And if they need a bit of time to be mad, that’s alright too. There’s no easy way to get through something as devastating as the loss of a spouse or the separation of your parents— especially in very young children. They are often left feeling torn, responsible for each parents emotions, and as if they have to choose. The best thing any separating parent can offer is a united front. As ugly and angry as things may be, your children need your focus and a lack of bias. The best you can do is remain positive, withhold your personal feelings about your ex-spouse, and maintain normality. It’s a heavy request, but your babies will thank you in the long run! We offer you our condolences, our services, and our support in this trying time.