It is not uncommon following a divorce, that the separated couple will make the decision to sleep together. While this might seem harmless at the time, and might feel pretty great— there’s a whole world of turmoil that can follow. It’s confusing, it’s messy, and it brings up a lot of unanswered questions and unresolved feelings. So, if you’re thinking about— we’re here to tell you that maybe you should and think twice before sleeping with your ex.
When Ex-Spouses Sleep Together: The Trouble that Follows
First things first, it’s going to make you feel terrible
You and your spouse separated for a reason. Whether it be finances, lost love, or an affair— there is something that caused a separation inside of your marriage. Reengaging might seem like the start of something new, or it might even feel casual, but it hardly ever does anything besides pick up where it left off. Unresolved feelings have a way of creeping back up from time to time. Spending time with this person who has caused you so much pain, or vice versa— can kickstart that once again.
It’s a setback
Depending on how long you’ve been separated, chances are, you’re finding your groove again. Your creating new routines, finding new friends, maybe even dating— and this throws a wrench in all of that. Falling back into old patterns isn’t hard to do. And often when dealing with an old marriage, those patterns aren’t healthy. Losing track of your self-care and confidence is likely when going back to something that has so many bad memories attached.
Nostalgia isn’t always a good thing
Nostalgia isn’t always memories of good times. Sometimes, nostalgia is that melancholy reminder of what was long ago— and then where it all went wrong. There is a lot of pain attached to a divorce in most cases. By sleeping together, you’re putting yourself back into the exact scenario that muddles it all up for you. If you and your ex decide to sleep together, you are deciding to disregard all of those harsh feelings and live in the moment. But, that doesn’t make them go away, it merely hides them behind lust.
It can be confusing
As we said, it’s a setback. Especially if you’re trying to get back into the dating scene. More often than not, at least one of the two people involved will take this happening as an indicator of it going further. Maybe down the line you’ll find love and a life together again, but if that isn’t the goal— you’ve just confused yourself and your former spouse.
You shared an incredible bond, an intense one too. It’s not difficult to remember that with rose-colored glasses after some time apart. But, unless you’ve made the decision to pursue this for the foreseeable future— you’re putting your new and improved self on the back burner in exchange to try and feel what you once did. Before you and your ex-spouse make the decision to sleep together once again, make sure you’re weighing all the pro’s and con’s of reopening old wounds once again.