On your first night away from your separated spouse, it is easy to get overwhelmed. You’re swaddled up in old memories, maybe even old furniture, and you’re wondering what to do with yourself. The good news is, you can do anything you want!! But, maybe there are a few things you shouldn’t do. So, we’re gonna break it all down for you. From the good, to the nurturing, to the bad, and the worst. Here are a few things to keep in mind as you adjust and get comfortable on your first night alone following a separation or divorce.
First Night Away Do’s and Don’ts: A Divorcee’s Guide to Success
Let’s Start with the Don’ts
Starting with the letdowns and moving on to the good stuff is always the way to go in my book. Deal with the disappointment, then move on to alllll the possibilities. There is no easy way to say this, so let’s dive right in:
For the love of all things holy, do not download Tinder. Or Bumble, or any of those other hokey dating apps. Your hands are idle, and it’s easy to say ‘let’s see what’s out there’ but now is not the time for it. Give yourself a few nights, weeks, or months to breathe and learn how to live alone and occupy your own time.
Same goes for old boyfriends and flings. Chances are, that smokin’ hot quarterback from twenty years ago has a bad spot and some kids now. Reveling in old high school fantasies is going to disappoint, nine times out of ten.
Don’t watch your wedding video over a bottle of wine. This will inevitably lead to that face-buried-in-a-pillow moment tomorrow morning as you think about that sobb-y phone call you made to your ex at 12:30 the night before. There is a time and place to discuss the ‘what happened to us’ scenario, but I would suggest a little less wine for that occasion.
So, what should I do?
What’s your comfort spot? Like, the best spot of all time for you? Is it a bubble bath with warm candles, good music, and a glass of wine? Or is it vintage horror flicks? Get ready Tarrantino, we’re coming for ya. The point is, find what makes you extremely happy— and just you alone, find what relaxes you and pamper yourself. Make the best of this night, enjoy the quiet. Eat all of the ice cream.
If you have new furniture or wall art to put up, move it around sister! Make this house, or apartment, a home. Make it yours, make it new. If it excites you to watch it all come together— go for it. You might want to do nothing, and if you do— revert back to the comfort spot. But creating your space over loud, cheesy music in your underwear— might just be exactly what you need.
Invite your girlfriends over! Occupy your mind with good company and laughs. Make them bring movies, board games, wine, or your favorite snacks. Remind yourself of the support system you have around you and revel in that. The rest, can be dealt with tomorrow. the first night away, should be filled with the good stuff.