After a divorce, at some point you will likely re-enter the dating scene. For some, the timeline is quicker than others and that is perfectly okay. Every person is different and so is their comfortability with ‘getting back out there’. Ultimately, there are positives and negatives to starting sooner rather than later, and what you want, and are comfortable with, is entirely up to you. The dating scene can be tricky, and if you’ve been out of it for a while, pretty intimidating. But we’re here to help…
Re-entering the Dating Scene: Pros and Cons of Jumping Back In Quickly
Pros:
It’s a great distraction. If you’ve been out of it, and focusing too much on what went wrong— dating is great way to take your mind off of it all. You’re meeting new people, you’re filling your evenings, and ultimately, you might meet someone worthwhile. So, distraction— a big upside.
It reminds you that you’re lovable! It’s easy to forget what a catch you are when you’re going through a separation, and hitting the dating scene reminds you once again. Self-esteem can take a pretty hard beating, and when you’re stuck in that for an extended period of time— you might just accept those feelings about yourself. I’m here to say… don’t! You’re awesome, you’re interesting, and you’re a catch. So, if dating can help you remember that— by all means.
It gets you out of the house. You’ve been married for a long time now, and you might not know how to fill your calendar now. So, setting a few dates can give you a little bit of purpose when you’re feeling down. It’s nothing to be ashamed of— you have to do what you can to make yourself comfortable when times are tough.
Cons:
When you date early on, you’re likely using it as a means of delaying those hard feelings you’re having. So, they’re eventually going to arise once again. It might be at night when you get home to your empty house. Or, it might be when you go to the bathroom halfway through your date— it could be any time. The point is, those feelings you don’t want to feel— will make their appearance at some point in time.
You’re also likely comparing these new dates to your former husband or wife. If you’re comparing them, you’re likely not over that whole situation yet. Dating can either help you push those feelings and comparisons out, or it can make them increase tenfold. If you’re comparing your date and keep thinking “He/she isn’t as handsome/funny/hardworking/driven/etc…” You’re still letting that ex occupy your mental space.
If you have kids, getting back into the dating scene quickly can have an adverse effect on them. They’re likely still adjusting to the idea of Mom and Dad not being together, and that takes time. So, if you’re out dating quickly, they might start to question your intentions and the way you felt about that other parent in the first place. Any of these things can become problematic and tough to deal with.
Ultimately, you have to date when you’re really ready
There’s no right time to get back out there, and you have to do what makes you happy and comfortable. The thing I hope you take away from this, if anything, is that the decision requires careful consideration. So, take a little time to consider what you want, and go from there. We wish you luck in ‘getting back out there’!