There’s no custody court when it comes to mutual friends. Sharing friends is one of those difficult bits of divorce that no-one really thinks about. But, if the time comes, that’s all part of it. Many people think “you take the guys, I’ll take the girls,” but the friends you have when you’re a couple, are quite often a couple themselves. So how do you navigate it all? And how do you make it as least awkward as possible for them, and for you?
Sharing friends after divorce… is it possible?
When it comes down to it, you two have to decide where you go from here. You’ve probably been married for a while, and together much longer than that. So, your friend group is pretty embedded in your marriage. It’s tough to advise one way or the other, because every relationship is unique. So, it’s up to you two.
How do we decide?
Ultimately, you two have to talk about it. Are you splitting your friends? Would your friends even be comfortable cutting off contact with one of you? Are you going to hang out together as a group still? As we always say, every relationship is different— and some marriages end amicably enough to stay in the same friend group. However, it is pretty rare.
Accept that you’ll lose a few friends along the way…
You’re probably close to some of his/her close friends by now— and vice versa. You have to understand that those close friends of their will likely lose contact after the separation. It’s tough, but it’s a part of the process. You have to understand where loyalties lie, and understand how you’d feel if the shoe was on the other foot.
Set ground rules
If you two are sharing friends, you have to set some rules depending on what you’re comfortable with. There might be some friends that neither one of you can bare to lose, so they have to become part of the discussion as well. They are likely wondering how to go forward form here. What if they host a special celebration? What if they want you both there? you two have to decide what you’re comfortable with. Your friends shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells around you, so tell them what your agreement is.
Ultimately, you two can set any agreement that you’d like. But, when sharing friends, it’s important to make sure everyone is on the same page. Doing so will ensure that those awkward instances will keep to a minimum. We wish you luck as you move forward with your separation!