If you and your spouse are transitioning towards separation, it is important to handle it as smoothly as possible. Doing so will preserve your energy, your time, and the added heartache. There’s no right way to tread into uncharted waters, especially when emotions are running high. But handling this situation with grace and patience will make it much much easier on the both of you in the long run.
Transitioning Towards Separation: How to Go Forth Smoothly
Consider therapeutic intervention
Now is the time to decide what you want out of this separation period. Do you want to make it work in the long run? Or are you ready to call it quits? Now is a better time than any to seek a professional opinion and see what they’ve got for you. If one or both of you feel that the marriage might be worth saving— consider giving a try before moving forward with a separation.
Address your emotions openly
Designate a safe space. One where you can both explain exactly how you’re feeling and what you believe got you both to this point. It is important to hear each other out, find out where those distances lie, and see if they’re something either of you is willing to fix. If you both just shut each other out, it is very easy to leave with unresolved feelings. Taking the time to communicate your emotions will leave everything out on the table, regardless of where you go from here, at least you will know that all your cards are on the table.
Treat the separation period seriously
If you’ve made a plan together for this separation to be a trial towards the real thing— treat it as such. It is not uncommon that those periods of separation might re-trigger the feelings you were missing out on. But, it is important to honor the agreement you’ve made. If you have given each other a week of uninterrupted silence— wait until the end of the week to voice and review how you’re feeling. Obviously if you have children, this will have to be modified in some form or fashion. When doing a trial separation, maybe the both of you split the rent on an apartment and give the ‘ birds nest’ approach a try (link). You have to find what works for you through communication.
Get down to your basics
Decide what makes you happy, and what you want the next few years of your life to look like. Transitioning towards separation is no easy decision. But, it does give you the chance to truly analyze where you want to go from here. Do you want to still be married to your spouse? Or, maybe, you want to have a home of your own? Do you see yourself with someone else? Taking a little time to decipher what it is exactly that you want out of life will make your decision more clear. Take the time to feel yourself out.