Contemplating divorce is hard work— especially if you have children. You automatically feel like you might be letting them down, or breaking a promise to them in some sense. You had an image in mind when you thought of having kids; one big, happy family with two parents always in the picture. But, with time, the marriage became something different, and unhealthy. Many couples try to ‘stick it out for the kids’. But, there are instances where a divorce is healthier than a marriage… for you, and for your kids.
Contemplating Divorce: How Divorce can be Healthier than Marriage for your Kids
You might think that a divorce will automatically shatter your children’s hearts. And in some instances, it might be upsetting. However, ‘upsetting’ is much more productive than the potential harm of you staying in a marriage that is destructive to you, and also your children’s idea of love and a quality life.
Being a parent is about protecting your children, but that shouldn’t come at the cost of your own well-being
There are a few instances where divorce is the only option when it comes to protecting yourself and your children. I’m referencing abuse, addiction, putting the family at risk of danger… you can assume the situations. However, being in a relationship that is wrought with constant arguments, a lack of intimacy, disinterest in each other, or being hurtful to each other— is arguably just as damaging. You might think that you and your spouse do a good job of keeping these issues to yourselves. However, your kids are just as present in the home as you are. They can understand the dynamics, the hard feelings, and how Mom/Dad is hurting Dad/Mom.
You want your children to have a strong understanding of happy, healthful relationships
Think about what you want for your children in the future: happiness, security, health, and strong relationships, among other things. Now that you’ve reflected on this, consider where they model these ideals after. The answer, is you. Your children gain much of their understanding of relationships from their parents. Therefore, you want to create something worth modeling after. If you don’t have this with your spouse, and your contemplating divorce, it should be worth adding to the list of reasons why a divorce might be worthwhile. You want to be able to be a good parent to your children. That’s all any parent wants. This starts with being present, happy, and being a strong role model.
A divorce is never easy, but don’t use your children as a reason why not to go through with it
Ultimately, your children will be fine. Life is full of hardships, and while a divorce is tough for your kids— putting them through a tumultuous relationship is arguably even harder. So, if you’re contemplating divorce, consider how the current relationship is affecting your children. Do you fight a lot? Do you spend a lot of time apart? Are you good models of what a spouse should be? These are all great questions to ask yourself if the thought has crossed your mind. We wish you luck in contemplating, and potentially going through with, your divorce.