In the months leading up to and after a divorce, you and your spouse are probably not on good terms. In fact, you probably spend any time together by fighting and time apart by bad mouthing one another. This behavior can have a huge impact on the well-being of your child, who is probably witness to both sides. So you want to shield them from your divorce conflict as much as possible.
Divorce Conflict: Protecting Your Child From Your Fights
Don’t Fight In Front of Them
One of the best ways to shield your kid from divorce conflict is to avoid fighting in front of them. Since you and your spouse probably spend most of the time fighting, this can be difficult. But it’s much healthier for your child not to have to witness your fights. Instead of hashing it out in front of them, tell your spouse you need to talk about this subject later. While kids can still sense tension, that may be much less stressful for them than witnessing your argument.
Don’t Badmouth Each Other
Another tip for protecting your kid from divorce conflict is too avoid badmouthing one another. Yes, you’re angry and upset about the way your marriage is ending. Perhaps, it really is because your spouse is an awful person. But you don’t need to say those things to or in front of your child. No matter your relationship with your ex, your child still needs their other parent. But badmouthing that parent can create conflict for your child. They may lose trust in that parent, begin seeing them in the light that you do, or they may feel the need to choose sides. So avoid saying anything negative to or in front of your child about their other parent.
Stress That It’s Not Their Fault
When witnessing divorce conflict, kids can form the idea that it’s their fault you’re getting a divorce. In fact, this can magnify if your often fight about custody rights and time with your child. So it’s important to stress that none of this is their fault. Make sure they know that it’s because of issues between you and your spouse, but that they are not one of those issues.
Don’t Deny Your Ex Parenting Time
One way to place your child right in the middle of divorce conflict is to deny your ex parenting time. In many cases, we may decide to do this because we’re angry with the ex. So it feels like we are able to punish them by keeping them away from the child. But when you do this, it’s really punishing your child as well. Therefore, you only want to deny your ex time when you feel there is a valid danger by letting them go. Ask yourself if it places your child in danger or in a questionable, unhealthy situation. If not, you shouldn’t deny your ex parenting time with your child.