When it comes to divorce, children often feel caught in the middle of their feuding parents. As if the situation isn’t stressful enough, feeling caught in the middle can make children pick between parents. Likewise, having to deal with not being the favorite parent can also be a tough pill to swallow. So here’s some tips for making your child feel like they don’t have to choose one parent and how to cope if they do.
Choose One Parent: Don’t Make Your Child Pick
Don’t Make Them Feel Like They Have To
While you may not mean to, a lot of your words and actions can make your child feel the need to choose one parent over the other. If you’re child is going for a visit with the other parent, try not to make them feel bad. It’s okay to assure them you’ll miss them but don’t make them feel guilty. You don’t want to sound as if they’re doing something wrong. Instead, encourage them to have fun so they get the sense that you support them going without you.
Don’t Let Them Carry the Burden of Taking Care of You
At some point in your later years, your child may need to take care of you. But that time isn’t now. When going through a divorce, children may begin to feel responsible for their parents. When this becomes the case, they may feel the need to choose one parent over the other. By feeling responsible for one parent, they will begin to spend more time with them. While the extra time may be nice, it’s important assure your child that you aren’t their responsibility. They shouldn’t carry the weight of your happiness but should feel free to be child. So encourage them to do childish things, including spending time with the other parent.
When It Happens, Accept It
There may come a time when your child decides to choose one parent over the other. For example, they may decide to go live with that parent or spend the majority of their time with them. As kids get older and reach teenage years, they may want to start making these choices. While you may fully support their decision, it will most likely still hurt. However, you want to remember to put your child’s feelings and well-being above your own. Therefore, it’s important to offer your support of their decision. Then try to find ways for you to bond together even though they are no longer living in your house.
In short, you never want to make your child feel like they need to choose one parent. But at the same time, if this happens naturally, try not to take it personally. Make sure you are doing all you can to stay connected with your child and accept that they may have a different relationship with their other parent.