Before pursuing a divorce, you need to be sure it’s the right decision and the right time. It’s a difficult subject to address with your spouse, so you don’t want to bring it up on a whim. However, knowing if it’s right can be tough. The process of divorce and separation takes a lot of self-reflection. Therefore, it can be a good idea to ask yourself a few divorce questions. From what you want, to what you need from a relationship. While there’s no right or wrong answer, the answers can tell you a lot about whether you’re still in the relationship or if you’ve already checked out.
Divorce Questions: Wants and Needs
If there was a way to save my marriage, what would it be?
In many cases, divorce takes place when our marriage doesn’t meet our expectations. But sometimes, we aren’t really sure what those expectations are– we just know that our relationship isn’t meeting them. So, it can be a good idea to make this one of the first divorce questions you ask yourself. Is there a way to save your marriage? Is there something you or your partner could do to keep things going? And if so, what is it?
In many cases, once we answer that question, we realize a few things. First, we may recognize that it’s not just our partner that would need to do things. It’s us too. Second, we may realize that there’s not just one thing– it’s a whole list of changes. At that point, you may decide that your marriage is too far off track to be able to salvage. Lastly, we may realize that those expectations are too high. In that case, you may be setting your partner up for failure by expecting things they cannot give.
Am I ready for the financial stress?
In most cases, financial stress comes along with the decision to divorce. First, you’ll need to pay for the divorce itself. Depending on your situation, that may be a long process and can include legal fees and other costs. But more so, you should consider if you can handle the finances after the divorce. In most cases, this mean reducing from a two-income household, to just one. That may require you to adjust your way of living to meet your new budget. Once you become used to living a certain way, making this adjustment or cutting your income in half can be difficult. So, when considering these divorce questions, it’s important to examine whether you’re financially ready to split up.
Am I ready to handle the day-to-day things that my partner usually takes care of?
You may not realize all that your partner handles until you have to add it to your to-do list. For instance, they may help a lot with the kids–packing lunches, doing drop offs and pick ups, or helping with homework. Or maybe they handle the finances and make sure to pay all the bills on time. Although those things can seem simple, it’s those little things that begin to add up. Not having someone to help out or picking up what they normally do can add a lot of stress to your life. So, when asking yourself divorce questions, consider whether you’re ready to tackle it alone.