Going through divorce can be hard but eventually, you get to a place where everyone is moving on. Moving on may entail a new place to live, new routines, and even remarrying. However, if you and your ex-spouse have children together, communication is unavoidable. You and your ex may know how to talk with each other now, but what about with their new spouse? Healthy communication between an ex-spouse and a new spouse is necessary when children are involved. Even so, it may be difficult learning how to have this healthy communication but it’s totally possible.
Healthy Communication: Talking With Your Ex’s New Spouse
Try not to Badmouth
Liking you ex’s new spouse can be hard-even if they’re a good person. However, you shouldn’t badmouth, especially in front of the kids. Because it makes the kids feel like they’re stuck in the middle, this is totally unfair. It isn’t healthy in general to dump your emotions on children and it definitely doesn’t help make healthy communication. This is especially the case if your children doesn’t like the new spouse.
If your children doesn’t like them, you may think that that is a valid reason to talk bad about them. However, that’s far from the truth. Try to talk with your kids and figure out what it is that makes them dislike their new step parent. Then, go to your ex calmly and just state facts and your children’s opinions. That way, your ex will most likely be more open to discussing this with you.
In most situations, boundaries are necessary. This is especially the case when your children are in the mix. Trying to create boundarieswith other people can be worrying. However, if done right, it can have a great result. The main thing to remember is focusing the boundaries on what’s best for your children-not your emotions. This way, everyone is focusing on the main goal: the kids. On top of this, it also creates healthy communication in the relationship.
Try to figure out what approaches work for you and change if things aren’t working. Approaches to this can include the way you talk. For example, make your sentences what you think is the best in a situation-not what someone else has done wrong. Also, try to remember to be respectful to everyone involved.
Getting to Know Each Other
Getting to know your ex’s new spouse sounds messy at first, but later on, it can be quite helpful. For one thing, you don’t have all this extra tension and anger around. Having negative feelings can be exhausting. It’s okay to work on getting rid of it. It’ll also relieve some of your children’s stress. Remember, this is their new living situation too.
Another reason for why you should get to know the new spouse is because of healthy communication. If everyone gets along, everyone will know more of what’s going on in the children’s lives. This is especially important when children bounce back and forth from one house to another. Healthy communication also makes it so that everyone is more often on the same page. This, in turn, will create less arguments.
Your ex-spouse getting remarried can bring a lot of emotions to the surface. However, it doesn’t have to be like a dramatic rom-com. Instead, you can work to get to know them better and form healthy communication. That way, it’s a better chance of everyone living in harmony.