Arguably one of the most difficult aspects of co-parenting, is making a schedule that works for everyone involved. However, making a schedule, and a parenting plan, is step one to becoming successful co-parents, and partners in raising your kids. But, what do you do when you reach an impasse? After all, disagreement was likely at least one of the issues that brought you to this moment. So, when it comes to making a parenting plan that works for everyone, it can take a bit of heavy lifting— and that’s okay. We’re here to help…
Parenting Plan: Solving Conflict and Planning Successfully
Make a List of Your Priorities
The first step you should take towards crafting your parenting plan, is to list your priorities and wants. This part of the process can be as selfish as need be, as long as you understand that you will not receive every single one of the things you want. Make this list of what times and dates you would want if you lived in a perfect world. Consider every single commitment you’ve made for the coming year. From birthday parties, vacations, weddings, school breaks, any time you’ll be away. Any commitment is important to make note of. Request that your ex do the same, and then you two will come together to make an actual plan.
Compare your ‘perfect’ schedules
The next step for you both, is to take both of your perfect schedules and compare them. Before you begin arguing over conflicting dates, give each other a moment to explain the importance of the date, and also consider giving something else as a bargaining chip. If Mom wants Easter, give Dad Thanksgiving. If Dad wants to take Son on a week long Spring break trip, give Mom an extra week over the Summer. By taking each other’s reasoning, and wants, and willingness to compromise, into consideration— you’re more likely to work together towards a common goal.
Combine and Conquer
The next step is to take your respective schedules, compromise, and craft an agreement you can both get behind. Doing these schedules for a year at a time allows for you to plan ahead of time, and also make adjustments for the years to come. Your kids grow up, and things change. Therefore, making a schedule for more than a year at a time can be difficult to stick with. So, make it an annual date in early January, and use that time to set your year in stone. Handling this commitment early in the year takes the emotion out of planning the holidays. Not to mention, you can file the agreement and put it away.
Making a parenting plan is difficult, no matter how collaborative you and your former spouse are. The both of you will undeniably clash on some dates over the years. However, it’s how you handle it and put your children first that matters.