Divorce isn’t an easy process. With how much is going to change, it makes sense to view divorce as a grieving process. However, it’s important to make sure you don’t engage in unhealthy grieving. There are some common things you should avoid in order to process and move on from your divorce as healthily as possible…
Unhealthy Grieving: What To Avoid
“Lost” hopes & dreams
Every couple has hopes and dreams about their marriage. These can include future living plans, potentially having kids, etc. However, divorce brings an end to these plans. As a result, many people will feel upset over their “lost” hopes and dreams. Many times, they wonder if they’ll ever gain something similar to them again.
Of course, these kinds of feelings aren’t good and can cause unhealthy grieving. While it is totally normal to grieve over the end of your marriage and these plans, it shouldn’t prevent you from considering new ones. Instead, it’s better to realize that you can make even better future plans on your own terms now.
Another problem that happens during unhealthy grieving is over-justification. Sometimes, people will use the reasons behind their divorce as justification to why they shouldn’t feel sad. For example, they might think that since their spouse cheated on them, they shouldn’t feel sad about leaving them.
However, this isn’t the healthiest thing to do. The reasons for your divorce have little to do with divorce grief. Odds are, you’d grieve the same no matter what the reason behind your divorce was. That’s why it’s important to understand that it’s okay to let those emotions out and process them.
Pretending to be alright
One of the most common aspects of unhealthy grieving is pretending things are alright. Unfortunately, many people feel like they have to be strong for the sake of appearances. They won’t tell others how they’re truly feeling, and think it isn’t “okay” to feel sad or upset. However, all this does is make the grieving process harder for yourself.
It’s important to come to terms with those emotions and accept them. Crying and feeling sad about your divorce is totally valid. It’s alright to let a friend know how you’re truly feeling when they ask. Only by being honest with how you feel can you really start pushing through that post-divorce depression.